ANAND
What has been known as Viah (marriage), Nikah; Marriage, Parnai, Shadi, Panigrehn etc. and many other names, this all important turning point in a man’s life has been called ‘Anand Karaj’ in Sikh religion. Anand means happiness, bliss. Thus Anand
When the Sikhs and forgotten the great Gurmat (i) heritage of Anand Karaj and many had resorted to Brahminical traditions, the untold sacrifices and struggle of Sikh elders ushered, Anand Marriage Act into their lives in 1909 in the form of Sikh Law. When
In order to revive this heritage of the Sikhs, some reform movements like Nirankari, Mandhari etc. had a very significant role to play. Sadly both these movements broke away from the main stream Sikhism and its ideals; and were caught in the quagmire of personal worship and Gurudoms.
Basically, the marriage ceremony according to Vedic rites had been forsaken right from the times of
Some have the marriage performed in a mosque while others go to the court to tie themselves in the bond of marriage. This is called civil marriage. Some go around fire or so called holy Vedi. But for the marriage of a Sikh, only one method is accepted and that is Anand Karaj. But due to faulty preachings and the influence of specious preachers, the way Anand Karj is being performed amongst the Sikhs is only a name same ceremony. Infact these can be easily called marriages solemnized according to Hindu Law. The only difference that stands out is that in one, circumambulation (Lavan) of Vedi are performed while in the other, the bride and bridegroom go around Sri Guru Granth Sahib four times. And yet more pronounced tragedy is that sitting in the presence of Sri Guru Granth Sahib, we indulge many acts against the principles of Sikhism, respect for our eternal Guru and Sikh Rehat Maryada (Sikh Code of Conduct). And then we claim and make supplications and publish it in newspapers that Anand Karaj was solemnized in complete accordance with Guru’s laid down maryada. What can be bigger lie than this? Hence the need for writing a tract on the subject becomes more pronounced.
The customs like Jai mala, drinking/consumption of liquor, dancing on the occasion, tying of Sehra, reading of Sehra, the custom of applying henna (Mehndi) on the palm of the bride, considering the brides house lower than the bridegroom and feeling sullen or displeased etc. are against the tenets of Sikhism and we shall have to avoid them. Avoid the playing of band (it is more noisy) and milani (meeting/embracing of key relatives of both parties with exchanging of gifts). We shall discuss these as we proceed.
Marriage is more like a social contract in the western countries and has no importance more than entertainment. It has no element of piety, loyalty and desire of seeing it through. Marriage solemnized a minute earlier can break the next minute.
Various divorce courts which are appointed in European and American continent reveal that these countries and faiths have not been able to establish that ideal which would have the fragrance of loyalty, piety, righteousness and will to remain united, a relationship that can bless life with comfort, peace, contentment, patience and stability. Instead of adjusting according to each others temperament, there is unrest and wandering like a bumble bee. Every individual has his/her own idiosyncrasies of eating, sleeping, resting tests and so on. Therefore the foundation of a successful marriage rests on mutual understandings and compromises. But the provision of divorce weakens the temperatment of compromise and understanding.
There is much difference in the rights of a husband and wife in Islam. Women is considered far below the status of a man. She cannot be considered equal to a man in any society. She cannot participate in Nimaz (Prayer) being read in a mosque. She is only an article of beauty that adores a man’s harem to satisfy his carnal lust. A man can keep four wives at a time but a woman has no such right. Beside these wives, a person can buy maid servants or young boys according to his financial ability. For satisfying the carnal desire of a husband if a wife refuses, it is believed that she will tread on the fire of hell as many steps as her husband breathes in anger. So much so that a promise of enjoying beautiful women in heaven has been made to them.
Bahisto huro giliman izetait main na manunga.
Inhi bataon se ai zahid! Zaeef iman hota hai.
(The promise that loyalty and obedience of Islami code of conduct will beget one with beautiful women and boys, I do not agree. Such promises weakens the faith).
To obtain a divorce in Islam is even easier. The appropriate aiyat (verse) is read from Quoran, the mehar amount is paid and the marriage becomes null and void.
In the Vedic faiths the ideals of a marriage is such more unjust that brings the status of a woman even below and despicable. According to Shastras, man is the representative of God while a woman is that of maya (nature). As God has needed nature since time immemorial to create the world, on similar lines is the need for a woman being the bearer of progency for the world to go on. Mannu divided the life span of a man into four parts. He fixed 25 years span each for Brahmacharia (celibacy), Householders life, living in the forest and then Sanyas (renunciation). Emancipation is possible only through renunciation. The dross of a householder’s life that one gathers in the form of wife and children has to be washed by fifty years of life in the forest and renunciation.
According to Hindu Shastras, only male child is considered to be offspring and not a female child. Reasons? Consequent to the death of father or mother, it is the son who can perform all the necessary rites and not a girl. Thus a son is considered to help his parents in crossing the infamous
An effect of the preaching of renunciation by the Brahmin was the instead of spending 25 years as a householder and then going to Ban Prasti and Sanyas, those desirous of salvation started going straight from celibacy into Ban Prasti and renunciation. These parasites who lived on the earnings of Gods devotees were virtually living in some sort of Chhaonies (Cantonments). If any hapless was abducted and their followers came to them for help, these parasites fattened on the wealth of the offerings would counsel the cowards and courageless people that the world was an illusion, a place of false attachment. All that was happening to them was the result of their past deeds performed in previous births. Who belonged to whom? Be patient and utter Ram Ram. He would do good to them.
What would such ungrateful, parasite, cowards and bereft of esteem known what hurt it is to bear the insult and degradation of a sister, daughter or a wife. How intolerable it is for those who consider their self esteem most valuation.
A woman was considered so much a hindrance in the spiritual progress, so impious and hateful that even glimpse of a paper idol of her was frowned upon.
Kagad sandi putali tau na trai nihar.
(
Man always considered his wife as an item of property like his other material assets. He could even give her out in alms to a Brahmin. These men could and did stake their wives in gambling and their loss would mean nothing to them. Brahmin had permitted a man both bigamy and polygamy. Women could also marry more than one man. Being classified as a Shudra, she had no right to wear Janeau.
In short, in the Brahmin created society, a woman was considered nothing more than a necessity for procreation. She was so low and down in their scheme of things that if her husband died, she was declared ill omened and burnt with the dead body of her husband so that she does not cling to any one else. This heart rending custom befallen from the ethos of a cultured society was named Sati. She was motivated to burn herself alongwith the cremation of her husband and the hapless and unfortunate widow was taken to the pyre of her husband in great pomp and show.
Satia(n) eh(i) na akian(i)
je birhey chot marannh(i).1.
Mohalla-3
Bhi so satia(n) jannian(i), sil santokh(i) rahannh(i).
Sevan(i) sai apna nit uth(i) sammalannh(i).
(Page 787)
According to Gurmat(i), a woman is not a toy or an item of entertainment in the hands of a man. Neither is she inferior to him nor worthy of hate. She is an equal companion of a man. To call her weak for powerless; considering a householder life as a compulsion or a low form of existence was regarded an insult of mankind by Sikh Guru Sahib. Condemning these high handed behaviour and attitude of the society toward’s women,
Bhand(i) jamiai bhand(i) nimiai,
Bhand(i) mangan(u) viauh.
Bhandauh hovie dosti,
Bhandauh chalai rah(u).
Bhand(u) mua bhand(u) bhaliai,
Bhand(i) hovai bhandhan(u)
So kio(n) manda akhiai,
Jit(u) jammeh rajan.
Bhandauh hi bhand(u) upjai,
Bhandai bajh(u) na koey.
Nanak bhandai bahra eko sacha soey.2.
(Page 473)
After formulating the important place of woman in the society, let us discuss the importance, ideals and objects of
Dhan(u) joban(u) ar(u) phulrha
nathiarhey din char(i).
(Page 23)
Wealth, beauty is like flowers those bloom for four days and whither away).
It is unwise to make such a temporary thing the base of all bargains of life or invaluable body. That is why Sat(i)guru Ji has advised us to take the love beyond physical or mind and reach it to the realm of soul. They have even told us the method of doing it.
Dhan pir(u) eh(i) na akhian(i) bahan(i) ikathey hoey.
Ek jot(i) duey murati dhan pir(u) kahiai soey.
(Page 788)
Infact, in the concept Sikhism this is an experiment in the laboratory of family life where man and woman both try to become one after marriage. The two souls must merge into one. Drawing strength from this experience the couple now must strive to become or achieve oneness with the Lord. By merging their soul with the soul divine both have to achieve completeness.
Gurmat(i) has not only accepted womankind as great equal and worthy of respect but has strongly reminded them to become pure and pious householder while still treading the path of detachment. Renouncing world as well as household is like playing truant and escaping from the struggle of life. What form of saintliness or devotion it is for the parasites to impose themselves for all their needs on those who work hard and earn their living. The concept of detachment of Gurmat does not encourage anyone to usurp others hard earned money and bring it home for his own consumption. He must abstain from doing any immoral and condemnable act under enhanced lust, ego and other vices. He must not beg before every mean person for a piece of bread. He must save his wealth of life and use it more beneficially. They are advised to lead life as: -
Jaisey jal meh kamal(u) niralam(u) murgai naisaney.
Surt(i) sabad(i) bhav sagar(u) tariai,
(Page 938)
On the subject of householder life, Guru Sahib has deliberated on three aspects. Why is family life essential? Proper selection of husband and wife. Duties of a householder. Nature has created two parts of mankind-man and woman. Both are blessed with different traits. If they remain separate, they would remain incomplete. The meaning of a family life is to make mankind whole and progress.
Jaisey sar sarta sakal mein sumund bado,
meran mein summer bado jagat bakhian hai.
Tarvarn bikhai jaisey chandan birkh bado,
Dhatan mein kanik at(i) uttam kai man hai.
Panchhan(i) mein
ragan mein Sri Rag, paras pakhan hai.
Gyanan mein gyan or dhiyanan mein dhiyan gur,
sakal dharma mein grihast pradhann hai.
(Kabit 376)
As the sea is supreme amongst the takes and rivers; sandalwood is supreme among the trees since it imparts fragrance with its touch, gold is superior of all the metals, swan is supreme among the birds, lion among all the quadrupeds, philosopher stone and Sri Rag are on the top of stones and rags (singing mode respectively; as the knowledge and contemplation of Guru are Supreme, so is the householder’s life out of all the dharmas.
Man and woman are such a unit coming together of which constitutes a family, a home and society. All religious and social progress of mankind depends upon a good family life. Therefore Gurmat(i) holds family life supreme.
The match making should be based on characteristics, nature, deeds, health and age.
ANAND
The following salient points on the subject are extracted from Sikh Rehat Maryada.
(a) Sikh man and woman should marry without consideration of caste and family lineage:
(b) The daughter of a Sikh must marry a Sikh.
(c) Sikh marriage should be solemnized according to ‘Anand Rites’.
(d) Child marriage is prohibited in Sikhism.
(e) When the girl is fit for marriage from the view point of mind, character and body, she should be married to a capable ‘Sikh’ youth.
(f) Betrothal ceremony is not mandatory before the marriage. But if felt necessary, the girls parents should make a supplication before Sri Guru Granth Sahib on a mutually fixed day and present a sword, karha and some sweets to the boy in the presence of Sangat.
(g) While fixing the day of Anand Karaj, do not indulge in searching/consulting horoscope for knowing auspicious day, place etc. This is apostasy. Any day that suits both parties can be fixed.
(h) The following acts are against Sikh tenets and therefore apostate:
(i) Tying of Sehra, mukat or Gana.
(ii) Worship of ancestors long passed away.
(iii) Immersing feet in diluted milk.
(iv) Cutting of jujube or Jand (prosopis specigera) tree.
(v) Leaving home in a sullen mood,
(vi) Filling of Gharholi (a small earthen pitcher).
(vii) Reciting Chhand.
(viii) Performing havan puja and fixing of Vedi.
(ix) Dancing by nautch girls.
(x) Use of liquor, and other intoxicants.
(i) The marriage party should consist of as few members as the bride’s parents have asked for. Recite Shabad and pay respect to each other with Fateh.
(j) Hold an assembly before Sri Guru Granth Sahib and let minstrels (Ragis) sing Gurbani. After sometime, let both bride and bridegroom come and sit on left of the bridegroom. Taking permission form the Sangat, the Granthi Singh or any body else entrusted to conduct the Anand ceremony should ask the parents of the bride and bridegroom to stand up for seeking permission from Sri Guru Granth Sahib through supplication.
Thereafter he explains the duties of a householder according to Gurmat(i). Initially he speaks on those points which are common to both. He uses the theme of the four Lavan given in Rag Suhi and ask them to mould their lives as is advised by
Then he explains duties as applicable to the bride and bridegroom separately. The bridegroom should be told that the girls’ parents have chosen you to be the most capable for their daughter. Therefore consider her a part of you and give her love and respect as deserving to a half of yourself. He is the protector of her body and honour. Be firm in your loyalty towards her. Regard and respect her parents and relatives as your own.
The bride should be told that she is being entrusted to that man in the presence of
Accepting these sermons, both bride and bridegroom should bow their head before
The Ragi Singh then sing path of Anand Sahib (first five paurhies and the last paurhi). Thereafter thanks giving supplication for successful completion of the ceremony is made by the entire Sangat.
Marriage of followers of other religion cannot be solemnized according to Anand rites.
(i) Do not perform marriage or tie them in the bondage of marriage by accepting money.
(k) If the bride’s parents visit their daughter and are requiredto partake meal there, they must not feel hesitant or reluctant. No eating is all a misconception; an erroneous belief. Khalsa has been blessed with eating and serving meal by the Almighty. Two families have been brought together so that they can assemble off an on and eat together.
(m) A widow any remarry anyone she thinks is suitable. A widower can also do like wise.
(n) Re-marriage follows the same procedure and customs as is followed for the initial marriage.
(o) Normally, a Sikh should not marry when his wife is alive.
(p) An amritdhari (baptized Sikh) should inspire his wife to partake amrit at the earliest.
Partaking Amrit is Mandatory: Four turning points have been accepted in the life of a Sikh. These provide an assessment of his devotion and following of Sikh tenets. How much he loves his religion. One can also learn how much he is caught in the shackles of other religion. These four sacraments or subtle impressions are (i)
There is a procedure that is drafted and laid down as mandatory for entering into an organization. Being born in a Christian family or reading Bible does not make one a Christian. To become a Christian, one has to be baptized. No one can be called a Muslims without circumscion. Wearing of Janeu is essential for becoming a member of Hindu Society. Similarly, there is a laid down procedure for entering Sikhism. It is taking Amrit (Khande-di-Pahul) from the five beloveds in the presence of
Despite winning an election seat hands down, no one can be declared a member of Parliament or Assembly without taking oath or affirmation. He cannot have the authority to participate in the proceedings. Similarly unless we take a vow to live life in accordance with Gurbani, we can be Sehajdhari, devotee or servant. One does not become a Sikh by visiting Gurudwara or reading/reciting bani. Sikh means one who belongs to a Guru. Who is a Sikh and who is not; this decision has to be made by Guru himself. And Guru says-
Dharey kes pahul bina
bhekhi murha Sikh.
Mera darsan nahey tis(u),
papi tiagai bhikh.
In this article dealing with the subject of Anand Karaj, it was essential to give some information about Amrit and its importance in a Sikhs life. It is our strong belief that many downfalls in the marriages after Anand Karaj are primarily due to our careless attitude towards partaking Amrit. People are disrespecting their hair, beard and other body hair. Ladies are busy removing their excess growth of eyebrows and cutting their hair short. The problem of adultery on part of one or the other is also very common. Someone is caught in the web of hypocrite Nirankari or
Advice : At the time of entering into family life, the couple is given some advice in the presence of
The importance of vow at this time is equally great as compared to the advice rendered. Any promise made by a Sikh in the presence of Sri Guru Granth Sahib and the Sangat must be honoured by a Sikh. This aspect of
Hamu mard bayad shaved sukhanwar.
Na shikam(i) digar dar dahaney digar.
(A man must be true to his words. He should not have something in his heart another thing on his tongue.)
The righteous aspects which are emphasized most at the time of Anand Karaj and which are committed to be adhered to; the most important is the loyalty and faithfulness both by the bride and bridegroom. Much emphasis is laid on wife being faithful to her husband in our country but fidelity on the part of husband is treated very casually. Because of her lowered status in religious and social sphere, to expect such a thing was natural in our society. But Guru Sahib dismissed all these percepts of unjust differences. They taught their Sikhs to be ‘Eka nari jati hoey’ and made it as important as loyalty and fidelity is for the woman or her respect for her husband as a god. There is no partiality with anyone in this regard.
Let us see what Sri Guru Hargobind Sahib had advised his daughter
Sun bibi! Main tujhey sunaoon.
Pati ki mehma keh tak gaoon.
Pati sewak ki sewa safali.
Pati bin aur karai sabh nifali.
Gur(u) jan ki ijat bauh karni.
Sas sev rid mahey su dharni.
Sun putrid pranan te piari.
Jis te bes bitey sukh kari.
Kul ki bat chit mein dharni.
Khoti sangat nahi su karni.
Prat uth kar majjan kariyo.
Gurbani ko mukh te rariyo.
Puna aur vivhar ju hoi.
Bhaley samhalauh nikey soi.
(Garbilas Patishahi-6, Chapter-11)
Every wife carries a strong desire that her husband should act according to her wishes. He should be faithful and conduct himself according to her expectations. To fulfil her desires, she memorises many incantations, other rites and rituals and acts. Thus she becomes susceptible to the desires and guiles of fake and pleasure loving people. Gurmat(i) prohibit such degraded and hollow conduct to take control of the husband in the real sense. Gurbani directs us to imbibe and possess the qualities that are pleasing to the master.
Nivan(u) su akhar(u) khavan(u) gun(u),
Jehba mania mant(u).
Ey trai bhainey ves kar(i),
Ta(n) vas avi kant(u).
(Page 1384)
(To acquire love of your husband, be humble, sweet of tongue, ever seeking forgiveness.)
Similarly when Gurudev Ji tells us the conduct of the husband, the maximum emphasis has been laid on selection of one and remaining loyal to that one through out life. looking at other women is unforgivable sin that will lead him to disrepute making him lose and place of honour. Fifth
Kia galaio bhuchh per vehl(i) na johey
hubh(u) sansar(u) jio(n).
(Page 1095)
(O fool! What immoral statements do you make? If you do not look at other woman with lustful and passionate eyes, only then you are master (husband) otherwise you will be counted amongst the licentious characters.)
High morality has been regarded as a very important part of Sikh religious ethos. Any person who establishes sexual relationship with a person other than his/her spouse is declared apostate.
(a) Eka nari jati hoey,
per nari dhi bhain vakhanai. (Var 6/8)
(b) Hau(n) tis(u) ghol(i) ghumaia,
Per nari dey nerh(i) na javai. (Var 12/4)
(c) Dekh(i) paraian changian,
mava(n) bhaina dhia(n) janai. (Var 29/11)
Let us see what
Per beti ko beti janey,
Per istri ko mat bakhaney.
Apni istri so rat (prem) hoi.
Rahatvan guru ka Sikh soi.
SOME
A large number of other religion’s influence has entered Sikhism. Many wrong and anti Gurmat(i) traditions have also found their way because of our ignorance. All Sikhs must guard against them and protect themselves.
As a result of faculty preachings, the way most of Anand Karaj those are being performed today are Anand Karaj for name only. These have been totally influenced by Brahminism. Many actions are performed in the presence of Guru Granth Sahib which are disrespectful to the Guru, against the tenets of Sikhism and contrary to the Sikh Rehat Maryada. Even then it is claimed that the marriage was solemnized in accordance with the laid down. Gur-Maryada. What greater proof of ignorance can there be. We now point out certain anomalies and false traditions those have been adopted by Sikh society. All Sikhs must guard against them and perform Anand Karaj according to the defined ideals.
(A) Caste Factor : To give importance to the caste and lineage of the bride and bridegroom is against the Sikh tenents. Sikhs do not subscribe to caste and creed system. Once a Sikh has partaken Amrit, his erstwhile caste and brotherhood stands null and void. He becomes a member of one big family of Khalsa.
(B) Use of Words ‘Singh’ and ‘Kaur’ : All Sikhs must write the suffix ‘Singh’ and ‘Kaur’ for male and female members respectively. This is not being done on marriage invitation cards. No other caste or indication of lineage should be written or used.
(C) Fixing the Day : All days are equal and auspicious in Sikhism. No day is bad or good.
jit(u) Prabh(u) avai chit(i).
Jit(i) din visarai Parbrahm phit(u) bhaleri rut(i).
(Page 318)
Even a good season is worthy of condemnation if one forgets the Lord. Therefore no consideration of day, date, thit etc. is taken into account while fixing the date of marriage. No reference to any horoscope is made. Any day that suits both parties is fixed or should be considered. It is sad to know that many Sikhs go by the baseless age old believes of good and bad days. For them the starts are good or bad. They also observe the Navratas and Sharads. Sikhism is not even remotely related to these events. Any day can be fixed for marriage ceremony. Things are easily and conveniently available during Sharadhs. What is the harm is solemnizing the marriage during these days?
(D) Marriage Party : The marriage party from the boy’s house should not be more than what the girl’s parents have requested for. Taking more people and consequently increasing the expenses of the bride’s house is against decency.
(E) Consumption of Liquor : Consumption of liquor is totally prohibited in Sikh Religion. Gurbani says-
Jit(u) pitai mat(i) dur(i) hoey,
barl(u) pavai vich(i) aey.
Apna paraia na pachhan-ee,
khasmauh dhakey khaey.
Jit pitai khasam(u) bisarai,
dargah milai sajaey.
Jhuta mud(u) mul na pich-ee,
je ka par(i) vasaey.1. (Page 554)
Ignoring the teachings of Guru, many families use liquor extensively during marraiges and other family functions of joy and happiness. One who drinks, is not worthy of being called a Sikh. One who is not prepared to obey Guru’s command cannot be his Sikh. Therefore it would be well in order for both sides to enquire about this much flouted and indulged practice. An addict of liquor can never establish and run a family. How unfortunate it is to hear from the mouths of a few misdirected Sikh youth that a Sikh is not a Sikh, if he does not drink. These apostat Sikhs see to have become higher than Guru.
(F) Dancing : To express joy of the event through Bhangra or dances by nautch girls is an uncultured act in Sikh religion. Ironically, we see women of Sikh families dancing alongwith other men on the road in front of the marriage procession. Is not it a slap on our culture?
(G) Additional Customs : All of us are the children of one mother and father. We are also the residents of one place. We belong to a common family. Then why do the boys and even girls see at least 25 to 30 potential spouses before saying yes about anyone. Just think! those who are seen, whose parents spend much money in the process and then are rejected, what a psychological effect would it be carrying on their minds? Doing such a deplorable things only show how low is our thinking. Parents should consider the characteristics and behaviour of the boy and girl and if they match, then they should meet and decide. The children can then to taken into confidence. Organizing a Swaimber like event is against the Sikh culture and is a stigma on the high ideals of this religion. All customs like Roka, Thaka, Kurhmai etc. preceeding marriage are futile and do not carry stamp of approval according to Gurmat(i). If engagement ceremony is necessary for some reasons, let it be very simple and without any pomp and show. No presents should be made by either side. In order to confirm the relationship, a simple Ardas before
(H)
(I) Auspicious-Inauspiciousness : Whether it is Anand Karaj or any other task, Sikh must commence it with an ‘Ardas’ to the Almighty. He must then accept and acknowledge all gains and losses accruing on the path of its accomplishment as Gods will. Gurbani says-
* Jalao aisi rit(i) jit(u) mai(n) piara visarai.
(Page 590)
* Sagun apsagun tis kao lageh jis(u) chit(i) na avai.
(Page 401)
Many families suffer set back because of the compliant from one side or the otehr that such and such rite had not been performed, or such and such event was held when the time was not auspicious and that had caused adverse effect on teh familly or the newly weds now.
In fact the reason for doing such sagun is that their happiness is hidden in them. They also carry a misconception that their success is also dependent upon these Saguns. If such and such rite/ritual is missed out, it can bring down bad luck to them. And if ever anything go wrong at any time for not doing a ritual, they carry a suspicion as to what would happen in the future. Those who are still caught in the quagmire of sagun-apsagun even after performing Ardas, they have only done it as a lip service. They have no faith in Almighty’s will. They are bereft of any faith on Him.
Those caught under the influence or Brahminism indulge in many acts which are not even remotely connected with Sikhism. They do all these as a psychological safeguard from misfortune-a feeling that has been instilled in them by other religious leaders and ignorant Sikhs preachers.
Once an ‘Ardas’ has been made before
Many marital discords and disputes, divorces and break ups are found in the families of those who abide by the
(J) Display of Daj-Vari : Guru Sahibs have condemned various form of display of wealth during the marriages. Bani says-
Hor(i) manmukh daj(u) je rakh(i) dikhaleh,
Su kurh(u) ahankar(u) kach(u) pajo.
(Page 79)
(K) Demands and Demanding : Another evil that has crept into society is the idiocity of the boy or his parents to ask the girls parents what cash, kind, gold or motor car etc would they be giving in the marriage. This custom used to be in the Hindu community of Bengal and
(L) Disorders Those Reduce Respect of Sri Guru Granth Sahib
(a) Cushioned Seat : It has often been seen that a soft cushioned seat is laid down for the bride and bridegroom in front of
(b) Supporting an aigrette on his turban by the boy and the girl to sit with veil are acts against the Gurmat(i).
(c) Support during La(n)va : Many ingorant persons provide support to the bride while she is going around
(d) Showering of Flowers : A custom of showering flower petals on the newly weds during the fourth Lanv is becoming in vogue. It is important to keep away from it. To shower flowers on any person in the presence of
(e) Garlanding : Garlanding the bride and bridegroom in the presence of
(f) Singing of Unauthentic Banis : Many Ragis who perform the marriage rites song ‘Jorhi jiey jug char tihari’ and ‘Sudh jab te hum dhari’ as blessings considering these compositions to be that of
(g)
(h) Two hymns are sung without fail on all the marriages – one is “Pallai taindey lagi” and the other is vihauh hoa merey babula. The first one denotes as if the bridge is addressing her bridegroom and telling him that all her relationship were false so far and that she has now come to him. Similarly the second hymns conveys that the girls is now telling her father that she has been married. Both are used in wrong context. Word ‘Taindey’ in the first line and Babula in the second is used for God Almighty. Thus the hymns those touch very high spiritual planes are brought to such an ordinary level and it surely is disrespect of the word divine. Other thanks giving hymns can be sung. If these are to be read, the Ragis should acquaint the Sangat with their deep spiritual meanings.
(i) Path of La(n)van: It is an indicator of the supremacy of bani and an item of support for a Sikh. Every task of a Sikhs is to be performed under the umbrella of Gurbani. The recitation of La(n)van path is in no way confined to the completion of a ceremony of marriage. Deliberate on its contents. It gives the four stages of a man that he goes through towards God realization. In the end, it says-Her(i) paia Prabhu abinasi jio.
Since Panth is an organization and all organizations must have uniformity; therefore recitation of this bani for Anand Karaj has been accepted in Sikh Rehat Maryada. Many who keep gossiping when the path is being recited/sung think that the ceremony is being gone through. This is not correct. Bani must always be listened with respect. No act tantamounting to disrespect should be indulged in.
(j) Timings of Marriage Ceremony : Normally all Sikh marriages should be solemnized in the ambrosial hour but to think that the recitation of La(n)van must be done before
(M) Playing of Band : The marriage procession of a boy is no less than a king coming back to his capital victorious after a campaign. The bridegroom is adored with Sehra: fire works are displayed, young boys and girls dance in front, liquor is distributed and drunk with impunity. The most popular band of the city is hired and it leads the procession playing most popular and sung tunes from films. The band players stop off and on to collect money that the relatives of the bridegroom throw up in their semi-consciousness due to excess consumption of liquor. They make a sad spectacle of themselves and the sacred event in which they are participating. The roads and streets are blocked. The noise pollution mounts and the norms of decency as a responsible citizen are flouted.
The girls house blares away recorded songs on a public address system that is specially installed. The house is lit up with multi-array of electric bulbs.
All this a futile and against he principle of Sanjam. The piety of a ceremony does not increase with such display of emotions. It becomes more effective when conducted according to the laid down norms and command of the Guru. Simplicity earns greater respect.
(N) Home of the Newly Weds : Whether it is son’s house or daughter’s, it has equal status for a Gursikh. Neither the boy side is higher nor the girl family is lower. Instead a new family has emerged from the meeting of two families. Both must respect other’s parents, brothers, sisters and love the younger members of their families.
It is not necessary to carry gifts for the daughter whenever they visit casually or on festive days. The girls parents must not feel hesitant of eating in the house of their daughter. All meals belong to the Lord and all are members of one family.
The boy also must not carry arrogance of being a son in law and therefore important when he visits his wife’s parents. He should go there as a member of that family. He should enjoy their company and conduct himself that will strengthen the bondage between two families.
(O) Veil : A sikh girl is not to remain in a veil.
(P) Festivals : Only Sikh festival should be celebrated which are Gurpurbs, Vaisakhi (birth of Khalsa) and martyrdom day of various Sikh martyrs.
Days like Rakhi, Tikka, Lohrhi,
(Q) Planning the Family : Whether a body and a girl is born it should be treated alike. God be thanked with equal fervour for His blessing. Do not make special supplication expressing extraordinary joy on the birth of a son and a subdued Ardas or none at all in the case of a girl. Follow the birth sacraments as given in Rehat Maryada. Do not be trapped in any form of confusion or misconception. Do not be tied down by eleventh, twenty first or fortieth days rigmarole. Address the child by the original name and not the pet name like Bittu, Kittu and so on. Once the mother is fit to walk about, she should visit Guru’s darbar, make an Ardas, take the command and name the child according to the laid down tradition. The child’s name must carry a suffix of Singh and Kaur in case of a boy and a girl respectively.
(R) Divorce : There is no place of divorce in Sikhism. Any one breaking the vow taken before the Guru will remain answerable to him.
(S) Re-marriage : In the event of death of a spouse, both boy and girl have equal right to re-marry. Guru does not accord permission for widowhood or Sati. That is display of cruelty upon a member of own family. Re-marriage is solemnized in the same way as the marriage is solemnized first time.
From the foregoing views, it becomes amply clear that marriage according to the ideal concept of Gurmat(i) implies righteousness, nobility, love, sacrifice and Jat-Sat. It is not a path of immoral, greedy and licentious characters. It is a path of true lovers who are not slave of Kam, Krodh, Lobh, Moh and Ahankar, Its members are strong willed people of the Lord. As proof of the above statement, the following two lines of
Janaham na bashad mianey saga(n)
Na duz-ee bavad karey een badraga(n).
(There never is an immoral person in the group of these dogs. They do not even know how to steal.)
See! Despite being full of hatred, bigotry and religious prejudices, he could not help singing paeans of the great ideal character of the Singh.
In conclusion, where the aim of marriage in other religion is merry-making, outward attraction, procreation and carnal satisfaction, Anand marriage is guarantor of perpetual bliss. Its foundation lies in true character and living the vow honestly. High character clean thinking generates confidence, respect, love and spirit of sacrifice. God resides where reverential fear exists.
QUINTESSENCE OF LA(N)VAN
A Sikh must adapt worldly life. He must consider Gurbani as divine knowledge. Righteousness and Nam Simran must be re-affirmed in his life and he should keep away from all sins and actions not approved and supported by Gurbani. Attaching with complete Guru, one has to acquire the divine traits that will enamour his mind for the Lord. As the reverential fear of the Fearless Lord dwells in the mind, it washes away the dross and filth of ego. Similarly, wife must respect and love her husband, shed ego and establish spiritual relationship with him. Mutual respect is the first adoration and nearness of love.
The seeker must generate a feeling of detachment in his mind as the bride experiences both feelings of detachment (with her family) and love for her husband and his family. Gursikh has to live in maya but with the support of Gurbani. He must remain aloof (detached) from maya and not be engrossed in enjoying its pleasures.
The bride (seeker) will only be able to please and attract the Lord-husband and achieve a state of equipoise. This is the objective of his/her life, the desired fruit and destiny. There are the teachings that the bride must acquire to create a feeling of fondness and carving in the heart of Lord-husband.
(Page-773)
Her(i) pehalrhi la(n)v parvirti karm drirhaia,
Bal(i) ram jio.
Bani Brahma Ved(u) dharm(u) drirhauh,
pap tajaia Bal(i)ram jio.
Dharm(u) drirhauh Her(i) nam(u) dhiavauh
simrit(i) nam(u) drirhaia.
Sat(i)gur(u) gur(u) pura aradhauh
sabh(i) kilvikh pap gavaia.
Sahaj anand(u) hoa vadbhagi
Man(i) Her(i) Her(i) mitha laia.
Jan kahai Nanak(u) la(n)v pehli
arambh(u) kaj(u) rachaia.1.
Meanings of Difficult Words : Her(i) pehalrhi lav(n)-The First la(n)v circumambulation of a (seeker) bride for her marriage with the Lord; Parvirti karm-indulging in the meditation of the Lord’s name; Drirhaia-(Guru has) instilled it resolutely; Bani-the utterances of Guru; Drirhauh-reaffirm in the mind; Tajaia-are forsaken; Simrit(i) nam(u) drirhaia-(The Guru) has re-determined the seeker to meditate on the name of the Lord; Kilvikh-sins; Sahaj anand-the pleasure and comfort of spiritual stability; Arambh-in the beginning; Kaj(u)-marriage.
Meaning : O Lord! I am sacrifice upto you. By Your Grace, the kind Guru has instilled in the heart of his Sikh to remain attached with the name of the Lord perpetually. He has re-affirmed it. And this is the beautiful first circumambulation of a seeker with the Lord-husband. O brother! the holy utterances of Guru (Gurbani) are the Vedas of Brahma for a Sikh. By the grace of this bani, instill and rehabilitate the Lords name in your mind and adopt it as a matter of religion in your life. Meditation on Lord’s name removes dross of all the sins from one’s life. O brother! keep remembering the Lord. instill this routine of a human birth in your life. the re-affirmation of meditation on Lord’s name that the Guru has done is his sermon for life that should never be forsaken at any time. Remember this sermon of the complete Guru and this blessing with remove and destroy all sins and vices from your life.
Hey brother! one who feels the love of Lord’s name in his mind, that fortunate person enjoys the spiritual stability. Slave
Her(i) dujarhi la(n)v sat(i)gur(u) purkh(u) milaia,
Bal(i)ram jio.
Nirbhai bhai man(u) hoey,
haumai mail(u) gavaia Bal(i)ram jio.
Nirmal(u) bhao paia Her(i) gun gaia,
Her(i) vekhai Ram(u) hadurey.
Her(i) atam Ram pasaria suami,
sarb rahia bharpurey.
Antar(i) bahar(i) Her(i) brabh(u) eko,
mil(i) Her(i)
Jan Nanak duji la(n)v chalai,
anhad sabad vajaey.2.
Meaning of Difficult Words : Her(i) dujarhi la(n)v-The second la(n)v; circumambulation of the marriage of the seeker bride with the Husband Lord; Sat(i)gur(u) purkh(u) milaia-The true Guru brought the Greatman in the contact with the she-being (Seeker), Bal(i)ram jio-O Lord! I am sacrifice unto You; Bhai-all worldly fears; Gavaia-Guru removes unto You; Bhai-all worldly fears; Gavaia-Guru removes them all; Nirmal bhao-reverential fear; Vekhai-sees; Hadurey-ever present nearby; Atam Ram pasaria-God is spreading His self all around; Bharpurey-present; Eko-one only; Mil(i) Her(i) jan-by meeting the saints and servants of the Lord; meeting the Sadh sangat; Mangal-songs of praise; Chalai-commenced; Anhad-unstruck music; Sabad vajaey-as if instruments of praise and eulogy has been sounded.
Meaning : Hey Lord! I am sacrifice unto You. By showering of Your grace, the seeker whom You meet with Guru, the holiest of holy, is mind becomes free of all the worldly fears. Guru removes all the dross of ego (haumai) from his mind. This then is the second la(n)v of the union of the seeker and the Lord.
O brother ! with the removal of ego (haumai), the seeker being then sings the paeans of the Lord. He/She develops a reverential fear of the Lord in his/her mind. He/She sees the Lord dwelling by his/her side. Such a seeker is convinced that all this worldly expanse is the spread of Lord Himself. The Lord is dwelling in the body of every creation that He has created. Such a seeker bride sees the presence of the Lord in and outside of everything of the world. Such a bride joins the holy gathering of His beloveds (
Hey slave
Her(i) teejarhi la(n)v,
man(i) chao bhaia bairagia(n) Bal(i)ram jio.
vadbhagia(n) Bal(i)ram jio.
Nirmal(i) Her(i) paia,
Her(i) gun gaia, mukh(i) boli Her(i) bani.
Sant jana vadbhagi paia,
Her(i) kathiaia akath kahani.
Hirdai Her(i) Her(i) Her(i) dhun(i) upji,
Her(i) japiai mastak(i) bhag jio.
Jan Nanak(u) boley tiji la(n)vai,
Her(i) upjai man(i) bairag(u) jio.3.
Meaning of Difficult Words : Teejarhi la(n)v-beautiful third la(n)v; Man(i)-in the mind; Bairagia(n)-In the mind of those who have detached themselves with the world; Chao-excitement of meeting the Lord; Meyl(u)-meeting; Vadbhagia(n)-fortunate people; Her(i) bani-the utterances of praise of the Lord; Kathiai-we should recite; Akath-indescribable; Akath kahani-the praise of the indescribable Lord; Hirdai-in the heart; Dhun(i)-attachment with the rhythm, engrossed; Japiai-should be remembered; Mastak(i)-On the forehead; Bhag(i)-good fortune; Nanak(u) bolai-Nanak says; tiji la(n)vai-during the third circumambulation of the marriage of the seeker being with the Lord; Man(i)-in the mind of the jeev-istari (seeker bride); Her(i) bairag-strong desire for the union with the Lord; Upjai-gets generated, grows.
Meaning : O Lord! I am sacrifice unto You. Those detached with the world are blessed with a desire to unite with you by Your grace. this spiritual state is the third la(n)v (circumambulation) of the marriage of the seeker with the Lord.
O brother! those fortunate who are able to enjoy the company and association of saintly persons are also able to realise the Lord. they unite with the Lord God who purifies the life of a person. They ever indulge in the singing of Lord’s paeans. They utter words in the glory of the Lord. Such fortunate people unite with the Lord in the company of saintly souls.
O brother! we should keep praising and eulogizing the indescribable Lord for ever. One who remains attached with the memory of Lord, gets blessed with the perpetual love of the Lord and he remains engrossed in it. But one can remember and meditate on God’s name if one becomes fortunate and blessed person.
Slave
Her(i) chautharhi la(n)v man(u) sahaj bhaia
Her(i) paia, bal(i)ram jio.
Gurmukh(i) milia subaey,
Her(i) man(i) tan(i) mitha laia, Bal(i)ram jio.
Her(i) mitha laia, merey Prabh bhaia,
andin(u) Her(i) liv lai.
Man chindia Phal(u) paia suami,
Her(i) nam(i) vaji vadhai.
Her(i) Prabh(i) Thakur(i) kaj(u) rachaia,
dhan hirdai nam(i) vigasi.
Jan(u) Nanak(u) boley chauthi la(n)vai,
Her(i) paia Prabh(u) avinasi.4.2.
Meaning of Difficult Words : Chautharhi la(n)v-fourth beautiful la(n)v; Man(i)-in the mind (of seeker being); Sahaj(u)-spiritual stability; Gurmukh(i)-by becoming Guru conscious; Subhaey-by engrossing in the love of the Lord; Man(i)-in the mind; Tan(i)-in the body; Prabh(u) bhaia-Lord loved it; Andin(u)-all the time; Liv lai-remained engrossed; Man Chindia-as desired by the heart; Nam(i)-through the name; Vaji vadhai-a state of prosperity came into being; Prabh(i)-The Lord Himself; Thakur(i)-God Himself; Kaj(u)-all the arrangements of the marriage of the seeker bride, Rachaia-commenced; Dhan-bride, Hidrai-in the heart; Nam(i)-by the blessings of the Lord’s name; Vigasi-bloomed and blossomed; Chauthi la(n)vai-during the fourth la(n)v of the seeker bride with Lord husband; Avinasi-one who is indestructible.
Meaning : O bewitching Lord! I am sacrifice unto You. By Your grace the seeker bride who develops spiritual stability, gets to meet you. This spiritual state is the fourth stage of union of the seeker bride with the Lord husband.
O brother! take the refuge of the Guru, the seeker bride who then gets to unite with the Lord experiences His love in mind and body. Then God also starts loving that seeker more intensely. Such a person remains engrossed in the memory of the Lord. Such a person then receives the much desired fruit of Lords union. By the blessings of the Lord’s name, his mind remains in a state of prosperity and progress.
O brother! the arrangements of the marriage of the seeker bride that the Lord commenced, the mind of that bride remains in a state of ecstasy with the perpetual Simran of Lords name. Slave Nanak says-in the fourth la(n)v (circumambulation) of the marriage between seeker bride and the Lord husbands, the bride achieves the union with the indestructible Lord God.
Hi
ReplyDelete